i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
