i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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