hotel room ftw
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
wanna go halves on a baby?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
