everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
