based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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