the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
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