'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
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