New low: just hacked my moms facebook
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
