i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
