I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
