Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
