The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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