When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
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