another moral hangover. fuck.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Randomize
