Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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