Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
