wat bout pragnant strippers??
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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