fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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