Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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