I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Randomize
