sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
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