Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
