And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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