you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
