I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
