My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
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