Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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