ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
