Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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