pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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