Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Randomize
