On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize