Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
