Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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