Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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