If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
