Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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