nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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