She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
