well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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