I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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