as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize