Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
