youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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