Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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