i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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