I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
