I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
