Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
