i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
