I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
