I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize