then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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