i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
i've created a new STD.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
