Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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