I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
