they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
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