I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
