I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
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