I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
he thought i was a dude.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
