How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
