Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
