i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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