Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
