you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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