We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
