I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
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