You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
