mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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