I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
