He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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