so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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