Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
