OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
