she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
