I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
