Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
