Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
